Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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