i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i think i just lost a toe
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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