So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize