i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
