Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
