my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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