my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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