New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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