Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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