Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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