Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
