Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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