shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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