i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
