tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
