omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
