ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
