is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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