Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize