I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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