did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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