fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
