see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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