I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
