i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
