Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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