i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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