How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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