He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
