Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
