walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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