It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
