he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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