I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
