you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
