Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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