If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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