Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i think my cat just said my name.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
