i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
