I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
