im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
