Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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