Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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