I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
soo... how was my night?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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