you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
