Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
