Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
