Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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