So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just puked most of my soul out..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
