someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
