Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
