This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize