Already got asked if we're dating
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
