Someone shit on the floor
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
