she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
