i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
