it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
