I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
