I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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