Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
