he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
