Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
