Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
