her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
