I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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