What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
