i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
