I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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