We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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