if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize