clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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