i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
