I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So vagazzling was a success
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
