Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
